Multiple Sclerosis does not need to be a death sentence.  We can live with this.

But is does have it's moments.

I am feeling better post-CCSVI.  I have a problem my wife sees and notices.  And she is correct.

I overdo it.  I do not rest enough.  I push myself when I can.  And when I can not or should not.  I do not exercise enough (hardly at all) but I keep moving.  Yes, I use the walls sometimes to stabilize myself.

I would rather use the walls, stumble or even fall than concede to the reality of my condition.

My wife does not agree.   She sees me struggle and is sick of it.

I am trying everything to improve.  The alternative is that I will decline.

Life is not a zero sum game, (1 winner, 1 loser), but I know that my attempts to move are key.

I can not and will not concede to reality.

I have had to stop working,  That kills me.  I have worked everyday since I was 17.   I worked through college and I was a far better worker than student.   I wanted to go back to work for a day.  Just to do it.  No, don't do that, you might jepardize your disability.  She is correct.  I am just not good at giving up.

It also kills me that she is responsible for all money coming into the house.  That is humiliating.  I have been unemployed for a total of 13 days since I was 18.  I am getting more into computer blogging and such just to have an outlet.

I will get better.  I will walk better and she will see it.  I have to work towards that goal.

Yes, this writing has been about me.   My training in public speaking and writing is NOT to allow myself to be the subject.  Present information, make points, bring others to see your point of view.  But here, I feel the need to scream,Yes, I have MS.  And it will not beat ME.  i may die, but I will die fighting.