I have conceded something I did not want to allow.

I now am wearing a first alert necklace.

What is that?

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” necklace.

I set it up.  If I press the button, and do not respond, the 911team will knock down my doors.

I did not want this.

I have passed on it for quite some time.

I feel we can call this a trend.

Making it easier to get around the house. 

A new door for me so I do not have to go up and down steps to get to the bathroom or our bedroom. 

I have fought, delayed, procrastinated and basically slowed these changes.

Because I did not want them because I know what the future may hold.

Wheel chair.  Bed pans.  Lack of mobility.  Inability to feed myself. 

In short, degrading of my life.

I think I do all the delay tactics as a passive aggressive way to fight against an opponent who is relentless. 

Who benefits from this anti-progress attitude?  Not my wife or family. Not my friends. 

I am the only one who THINKS he benefits by maintaining a self-delusion of control.  Control is a facade. Especially with MS, we are out of control.

I have lived my life fighting for self-rule.  Reflecting back, the battles before MS seem so small and insignificant. 

I fight now for my dignity.

And I am being very selfish.

Who wants better for me?

My wife.

She is my hero.

Two jobs, two kids.  Two schools. 

And a disabled husband.

And somehow she has not divorced me or generally left me.   

I am the luckiest man alive.

And I know it and appreciate the gifts she gives me.

Power to the people.

Power to the cure.