Dreams are a funny thing.
For many of us, MS has robbed us of our dreams. Playing with our children. Running. Walking. The divorce rate for MSers is far higher than the general population. A normal ability to do. Do whatever we perceive as normal.
But today I come to you with a question about dreams. Dreams that occur during sleep. For some of us, MS takes away the basic ability to dream. Even as MS progressed in me, I feel that I could dream.
Since I had the procedure, my ability to have "normal" dreams has returned. Dreaming is a very subtle thing. So subtle that it might be missed. We have our days. Days of pain and frustration. The pain is not the pain from falling, instead the pain of inability. Inability to do everything we want to do.
For some, the choice to walk across the room.
Since the procedure, my ability to dream at night has improved greatly. I can't produce anything tangible to show this improvement.
It is wonderful to be "normal" for a few hours. To dream of what was. To dream of what can be. Personally, I walk in my dreams. I work. I live the life I had. Then I wake up.
Reality is not a dream. My reality is not that bad compared to other MSers. My wife and I are still together. I still live in the home we built together. Not built as in hammer and nail, rather the home with children, animals and her. A home built on dreams of a relationship that endures.
I am very blessed to have that dream still alive and in reality. As I type I am crying. Crying at the beauty of a woman who stays with me through the pain of a husband who has gotten ill. Illness that can not be fixed or cured.
MS is where dreams go to die. Dreams of a normal life with choices and decisions that are open ended.
Again, I am blessed that the dream of growing old with my wife endures. I dream of seeing our children grow up. Helping them with decisions. Giving wisdom of experiences and helping the kids be okay in the end.
I pray I will be able to live this dream.
When I wrote this in my mind, I wanted to ask the question: Do you dream better since CCSVI? I know that I do. To me, dreaming is a reflection of clear thinking. I know that CCSVI has given me that dream back in reality,
So I ask the question: Do you dream?