I have conceded something I did not want to allow.
I now am wearing a first alert necklace.
What is that?
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” necklace.
I set it up. If I press the button, and do not respond, the 911team will knock down my doors.
I did not want this.
I have passed on it for quite some time.
I feel we can call this a trend.
Making it easier to get around the house.
A new door for me so I do not have to go up and down steps to get to the bathroom or our bedroom.
I have fought, delayed, procrastinated and basically slowed these changes.
Because I did not want them because I know what the future may hold.
Wheel chair. Bed pans. Lack of mobility. Inability to feed myself.
In short, degrading of my life.
I think I do all the delay tactics as a passive aggressive way to fight against an opponent who is relentless.
Who benefits from this anti-progress attitude? Not my wife or family. Not my friends.
I am the only one who THINKS he benefits by maintaining a self-delusion of control. Control is a facade. Especially with MS, we are out of control.
I have lived my life fighting for self-rule. Reflecting back, the battles before MS seem so small and insignificant.
I fight now for my dignity.
And I am being very selfish.
Who wants better for me?
My wife.
She is my hero.
Two jobs, two kids. Two schools.
And a disabled husband.
And somehow she has not divorced me or generally left me.
I am the luckiest man alive.
And I know it and appreciate the gifts she gives me.
Power to the people.
Power to the cure.