Previous parts of life, that sentance did work for me.

Dating failures.  Family issues.  MS problems.  For athletes, the best thing they can do is get out on the field.  As a follower of sports, one hears of Brett Farve.  Brett's best friend, his father, passed away.  Brett had a legendary Monday Night Football performance.  His wife fought Breast Cancer, another moment of focus and performance.

I am feeling more depressed today than I have previously.  Like really dark.  Just a moment that sees a depressing future.  No possible improvements.

My walking has been worse.  Mornings have been challenging.  i have had a head cold that alost warrants a trip to the doctor.

What do I want?  What would make me feel better?  i have no idea.

i am not complaining about anything.

It hit me that I miss work.  Work defined me somewhat.  I was fairly successful at almost every job I took in my life.  My education suffered because I enjoyed the feedback from work more than the education response.  i even met my wife at work.

Something so simple and taken for granted as get up, shower, shave, get dressed go to work, be successful, deal with problems, find soltions, eat lunch, go home.  I really miss that idea that I have done for over half of my life. 

I just love work.  Not high dollar employment, mostly retail, almost all sales.  Meeting people and being out there.  I worked for 10 years after my MS diagnosis.  Lawyers were impressed that I did not get diagnosed Monday and file for disability Tuesday.  The reality of me a constant fight of denial of reality. 

I underperformed in school.  i have could have and should have done better.

I overperformed at work because of Love.   Money is good, and I got that reinforcement at work.

A friend of mine explained why I enjoyed work.  He is a great salesperson.  Every place I worked, I was top salesperson, or the most impactful in terms of innvations.  And I know that he is a better perfomer than me.

His explanation was that we both treated work as a cocktail party among friends.  Every customer was a friend even if we did not know them yet.  We both have an open arms approach, very conversationable and very knowledgeable about our products.  We constantly studied and upgraded our knowledge base.

The constant interaction with people and information is what I miss.  The success from nothing and creating ideas that others admire, making speeches and joking with people.  That was life.

I love all of you.  And I appreciate all of your feedback on my blogs.  i really enjoy the feedback even if it is challenging or negative, because those create more thoughts and ideas.

CCSVI has put me in a better place.  I know that I would be much more down if I had not done the procedure.  I am thankful that I got it done.  

Tomorrow is the GP.  I will ask him to test my thyroid to see if that can be fixed and address some MS issues.

God Bless You All.